February 2022

Russia Invading, Wastemangment Golf/Dad Neufeld,

@February 28, 2022

@February 28, 2022 7:24 PM (CDT)

  • Translate: my friend, residing in Latvia, is messaging Putin about where to find me. “He’s hiding behind Walker”, Walker Texas Ranger, lol
  • image
  • We make light of it, but he also says, “If Putin wins, we’re next.” It’s a heartbreaking thought.

@February 28, 2022 4:07 PM (CDT)

  • using my spanish is fun

@February 28, 2022 1:59 PM (CDT)

  • a unnamed child until the child names herself

@February 28, 2022 12:17 PM (CDT)

  • Every idea changes with the context of time

@February 28, 2022 11:29 AM (CDT)

  • ¿Does Spanish upside down question mark set nice context at the start of a sentence? Yes.

@February 28, 2022 11:27 AM (CDT)

  • Magical realism found in the feelings that arrive on the page. (¿Whereas shiny dime is specific to the words?)

@February 28, 2022 11:01 AM (CDT)

  • I like how a typical Saturday for me is I said hi to a stranger and it was nice. For Elon I launched 50 satellites into space and gave an entire country who’s at war free internet. The stories he has...

@February 28, 2022 10:23 AM (CDT)

  • Images for an entire essay come from a single rewrite of a sentence. “Trust evaporating”, in image form. That means to me that trust had a solid state and a liquid state. At that I’m reminded of imagery already woven into this essay, my Hot/Cold imagery. I wonder does Trust have a character arc. Despite this all being interesting, unless I can weave this metaphor throughout, it’s not my “shiny dime”. Nevertheless even if I can’t, it’s still fun to imagine.
  • I too find when I google like this, playful vocabulary rains down to me, as technical and precise words (such as “a molecule of trust”) land onto the page, similar to DFW and the racket
  • image
Reference in case I use this text in an essay

And I lost trust in humanity which surprised me because I thought I had already lost it after the pandemic.

My trust in humanity evaporated.

  • Trust as something that is in the air
  • The colder life gets, trust solidifies.
  • Typically when the weather gets cold, we huddle up inside, anyway from strangers. Yet these are the best opportunities to connect, cabins, ice fishing.
  • Evaporate definition, turn liquid into vapor.
  • What is liquid trust, what is solidified trust, what is vapor trust?
  • can vapor evaporate? What happens? From NatGeo: “Once evaporated, a molecule of water vapor spends about ten days in the air. As water vapor rises higher in the atmosphere, it begins to cool back down. When it is cool enough, the water vapor condenses and returns to liquid water.”
  • Trust can rain down too!
  • What would be the force that heats trust up? A busy mind. Aggressive people?
  • The shiny dime, I’m becoming convinced, is found within a certain phrase or word in the essay.
    The Shiny Dime

@February 28, 2022 10:12 AM (CDT)

  • I enjoy looking at individual words in sentences
  • especially sentences with nice words like “With nuclear weapons, wars of conquest were over, FOOL!, I had thought.” Conquest is a word that’s enjoyable to look at.

@February 28, 2022 10:07 AM (CDT)

  • “like being lonely in public” — this phrase captures many feelings I notice in the world. everyone loving you when you don’t feel loved. Vladimir being told he’s big when he feels small, (unless he’s behind his long table).

@February 28, 2022 9:48 AM (CDT)

  • I will not check twitter today, albeit a crucial day for the war. My headspace is too precious. I’ll check tomorrow if god allows it. (Update @March 1, 2022 9:38 AM (CDT) it was a kind decision, I feel better)
  • Today’s read on the conflict comes from 1993 (¿curate this?)
  • image

Notes as I Read —

  • painful to think their people are returning to this
  • “Ukraine, Fiercely nationalistic Ukraine warily eyes its worrisome nieghbor, Russia”

@February 27, 2022

visiting Marine’s house, realizing Russia isn’t as bad as I thought (albiet it bad, there’s hope)

Details Marine’s

  • she used to work at an antique furniture warehouse and began collecting things
  • After saying goodbye, we continued to talk over the fence where we shared intimate struggles about relationships.
  • Fantastic Tea
  • Marine recommending I detail my ideal wife, down to her eye color so that when I see her I actually see her
  • Marine feeding her dog on the couch. “He had a beaten and bloodied start of her life so now she gets whatever she wants.” I think she sees some of herself in Mikey the dog.

@February 27, 2022 4:40 PM (CDT)

  • @February 27, 2022 4:44 PM (CDT) I’m hard on myself and my decisions

@February 27, 2022 12:25 PM (CDT)

  • as diseasing nuclear war is, it’s comforting knowing evil lost and will lose

@February 27, 2022 12:18 PM (CDT)

  • when stuck in a loop or in your head, move your body. whenever task or writing you’re working on do it through movement

@February 27, 2022 10:12 AM (CDT)

  • painter friend described her first draft of sketching as seeing form with an added narrative. Is there a version of writing first drafts like that? Recording facts of the story?

@February 26, 2022

Why I dance: hips, IM fasting Kuks DDPY

@February 26, 2022 8:17 PM (CDT)

  • Decided on Pet Semetary tonight. I read the book a few weeks back, Stephan King said it’s the most haunting book he’s ever written. I didn’t feel that way but I’m not a father of two who had just moved into a new house. He was.
  • @February 26, 2022 8:53 PM (CDT) ^ really bad is what happens condensing 15h audiobook into 1.75h movie.
    • just a series of event after event. when Gauge, a 4 year old, is ran over by a semi we hardly flitch. we haven’t had time to get to know him. It’s the difference in tearing down a piece of tape on a wall and tearing down a piece of tape on the wall which held up the first dollar your company made, a company now bankrupt.

@February 26, 2022 7:40 PM (CDT)

  • flirting is a personality. after seeing someone you find attractive show it with your eyes

@February 26, 2022 2:57 PM (CDT)

    1. write a sentence
      1. example, dance lessons with Cal deplete my energy.
    2. which is reactionhere, (sad/curious/ridiculous) In order to genuinely react to a sentence like that you need to hold it in your mind long enough for an image to arise. The reaction comes from the image invoked in the sentence.
      1. In this example I see myself leaving defeated, hunched over, discouraged
    3. in your personal opinion why is that image like so?
      1. I’ve been dancing a long time, not doing it for these tiny details like look at your wrist when you turn her, instead I’m doing it to connect with women
    4. rewrite that into one or two sentences
      1. I left my dance lesson with Cal hunched over and discouraged. I don’t give a fuck about “looking at my watch” when turning the follow or holding her hand with my ring finger not pointer finger. FUCK THE DETAILS. I just want to dance together, PLAY A SONG, hip against hip and move around the floor. And I can’t do that with you, Cal.

@February 26, 2022 2:41 PM (CDT)

  • dance lessons with Cal deplete my energy
  • @February 26, 2022 7:00 PM (CDT) in the shower I clarified why. Before my hip injury, I was making progress dancing in my hips. In partner dances, we were moving closer and closer together, until our hip bones snapped together like jig-saw pieces. And we danced from there. Lately I’m dancing with Cal, a smelly male, and dancing patterns that I’ve seen thousands of times. I feel no compulsion that I so enjoy.

@February 26, 2022 11:23 AM (CDT)

  • A Russian friend’s opinion on the conflict.
  • image

@February 25, 2022

Nissa Basketball

@February 25, 2022 8:22 PM (CDT)

Live logging Big Fish

  • Min 6, MAGICAL REALISM! I’m gonna love this - “In telling the story of my father’s life, it’s impossible to separate fact from fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is tell it the way he told me. It doesn’t make sense and most of it never happened.” This is how I want my life remembered.
  • What words do you write which has magical meaning? (I refer to idioms) “The same when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that’s true.” Scene in the movie shows time stopped and the protagonist walks through the crowd to his wife.
    • “What they don’t tell you, when time stops it moves extra fast to catch up.” Think this is cool. The events sped up and his moment of saying hi was lost.

@February 25, 2022 6:36 PM (CDT)

@February 25, 2022 6:32 PM (CDT)

  • The best storytellers infuse the mundane with meaning.
  • It’s like my Peanut Butter Relapse story. For the first time in 2 years, I bought a jar of peanut butter. Through writing I found deep meaning within that.

@February 25, 2022 2:39 PM (CDT)

  • I turned “I want to masturbate” into a free for all text fest. Instead of finishing lonely, I felt connected.
  • It too resulted in one productive thing beyond the emotion productivity: tomorrow morning DDPY yoga zoom meeting with a friend. We do yoga and scream out all of Diamond Dallas Page’s catch phrases together. It’s uplifting.
    • “Lengthen the spine, to roll back the hand of time.”
    • Diamond Cutter
    • “BANG!”
    • Muscle engagement, squeeze your muscles as tight as you can. I never realized how much you sweat when you engage your entire body. Maybe my yoga practice could benefit from sweating for once.
    • All of DDP’s names for yoga poses: “safety zone” instead of “child’s pose”
    • image
    • This video, 100 mil views, made DDPY famous. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448
    • image

@February 25, 2022 12:33 PM (CDT)

  • curious if Putin felt any guilt after invading. what kind of sleep did he have? what did he dream?

@February 25, 2022 12:26 PM (CDT)

  • Destruction is the only truth. But we don’t have to speed it up. I like living.

@February 25, 2022 12:24 PM (CDT)

  • I default to everything is right, until I forget that.

@February 25, 2022 12:12 PM (CDT)

  • zuihitsu Japanese literary genre is like logloglog the novel?

@February 25, 2022 11:56 AM (CDT)

  • My cathedral day in Kiev

@February 25, 2022 11:30 AM (CDT)

  • If we survive this invasion, nukes will be erased from earth. I know that’s naive as which country would ever do that, but I believe us to be good. We haven’t taken action because we forget a small fraction of us are not good. No one is stupid enough to start a war these days. Now we know otherwise.

@February 25, 2022 11:10 AM (CDT)

  • During the 2020 election, my good friend often sent me rhetorical rants, 500 words in length, about Trump being the savior vs the Deep State and vs many other abbreviations that you only know if you’re deep down the rabbit hole. After Trump lost and didn’t take military action vs the Deep State like many of these rhetoricians trusted he would, my friend came back to reality. He questioned, maybe it was an act, like professional wrestling. His healing from Trumps lies and misdirection began. Today I read the most haunting thing about the war. It didn’t come from a news source, it came from a digital-nomad whatsapp chat. A man with German country code says, “Putin is in the Good side, as Many other presidents, fighting against the deep state, Kabale, khZarian mafia, financial elite, big pharma, big tecs and MSM🌈🙏🏽💛 ” I thought it was a joke text until someone replied noting its gravity. Now I dread the next text message from my friend. I won’t believes he supports this. I won’t. I won’t. God, I won’t.
  • ^Perhaps the most frightening part of that message are his choice of emojis at the end, as if he’s a savior.

@February 25, 2022 10:25 AM (CDT)

  • When Elon is silent, he’s on some secret service duties to save the world. Let me believe!

@February 25, 2022 8:28 AM (CDT)

  • Throughout today’s yoga practice Marnie, the instructor, referred to the Russian conflict. She said how we’re herd animals and even though the conflict is happening across the world, we all feel it, we feel the pain and the anxiety. At the end of class, we laid in corpse pose, eyes closed as she read this poem.
  • I’ve been thinking about the way, when you walk down a crowded aisle, people pull in their legs to let you by. Or how strangers still say “bless you” when someone sneezes, a leftover from the Bubonic plague. “Don’t die,” we are saying. And sometimes, when you spill lemons from your grocery bag, someone else will help you pick them up. Mostly, we don’t want to harm each other.We want to be handed our cup of coffee hot, and to say thank you to the person handing it. To smile at them and for them to smile back. For the waitress to call us honey when she sets down the bowl of clam chowder, and for the driver in the red pick-up truck to let us pass.We have so little of each other, now. So far   from tribe and fire. Only these brief moments of exchange.What if they are the true dwelling of the holy, these fleeting temples we make together when we say, “Here, have my seat,” “Go ahead—you first,” “I like your hat.” - Danusha Laméris

    My face welled up. We rolled onto our right side, into fetal position, the last escape before returning to the world. When I opened a single rose was in front me, in front of each of us. She said someone had wanted to share roses with the class. When I sat up, tears fell from my closed eyes.

    We said namaste to close out the practice, opened our eyes. No one rushed to roll up their mat. Today we all sat still together. A full minute past, maybe two, when someone grabbed their water bottle. And we all got on with our day like herd animals.


  • ^ that’s the objective story. MY story about a man with a plan, I want to give the class roses, with no idea how to execute that plan, and Marine infusing the gesture with love and meaning.
  • Essay idea: infusing the ordinary with meaning, like Michael said here.
    • Ohhh, I’m reminded of Tako/Osakr Story. Tako infused Oskar’s archtecture with meaning.

@February 25, 2022 8:25 AM (CDT)

  • Events carry emotion. You can choose to push into that emotion or distract it with other sources. I choose to log it.

@February 24, 2022

@February 24, 2022 9:55 PM (CDT)

  • Essay Idea: last year, I dated a woman who lived in New York, which was inconvenient as I lived in Minnesota. She traveled a lot and always was asking me to meet her in FL and Denver and MX. When I didn’t join her, I blamed covid, took some moral high ground. And looking back, that crushes me. I had a partner to take spontaneous trips with, something I’ve always wanted and now want more than ever. In reality, I was cheap and lazy. I want to scream, “Spend money you freak!”
    Life Capture

@February 24, 2022 9:27 PM (CDT)

  • During a BJJ class I lunged at a black-belt and like a tree he didn’t move. While my body soared forward, my right hip dislocated backwards. I iced it and it recovered overnight, which was shocking to me since I’m 35 and I heard a pop. The next week I trained again, all went smooth, until I got out of my car. My left hip burned. I couldn’t remember any event and I never lunged at a black-belt. Never will again. So I didn’t think much of it — if I the week before I heard a pop, this will be healed before I even lay down tonight. Well a month later as I still hobble around, I realized what happened. When my right hip began to heal, my left took on more responsibility, and I took advanced of that civil servant, made him pick up bricks until his legs gave out. Now I’m on the coach, unemployed, wanting to work but on disability. #StoriesTold
  • My left hip is traumatized, bugged eyed and living in fear

@February 24, 2022 7:00 PM (CDT)

  • Angie, WOP7, lives in the building across the street from me...

@February 24, 2022 7:12 PM (CDT)

  • “Something that’s mundane is bursting with meaning… when you see through the lens of a writer, everything is potential inspiration.” - Michael

@February 24, 2022 2:13 PM (CDT)

  • people using the crisis for their own benefit log

@February 24, 2022 1:52 PM (CDT)

  • Productive Work for Today | Be intentional (don’t get lost in the rabbit holes) yet Be Like Water, make your day about this event. It’s not a normal day.
    • write about the events, your reactions, your feelings
    • limit social media to a few trustworthy sources. Fear spreads. Humans scare easily.
    • meditate, yoga
    • hugs
    • be with friends and family
    • documentaries and movies on war
    • Dream of a better world #spaceX
    • Reflect

@February 24, 2022 1:41 PM (CDT)

  • Hard to work on anything with the Russian/Ukraine happening. I get the point of all I have control of is how I spend my time right now. Focus on yourself to create and build and write. Meditate away the troubles. But I don’t live nor choose to live at a monastery where I’ve dedicated my life to the self, a noble act. I choose to live in this society of earthlings. And with age, I’m realizing the importance in the face of such a grave offense of halting your day, clearing your entire schedule to ground yourself in the story that’s developing now. How does this change your path in life? What about the world’s path? How does it make you feel? What did it inspire in you? But be careful, the news is dangerous and will suck you in and spit you out filled with hate and fear.

@February 24, 2022 11:26 AM (CDT)

  • Comparison can make all the difference.

@February 24, 2022 11:14 AM (CDT)

  • russian invades ukraine log
  • Wtf, grow up you midget troll. I know it’s tough walking around when you’re not in your hummer and everyone towers over you. I get that. I’m skinny and it’s tough for me to do yoga with less than a baggy sweater on. But I deal with that, I take ownership over that. I don’t crab ass my fellow classmates because I feel that way. You, however, you tiny, midget, balding, smelly, troll, you command tanks to tread and tear up land and murder, literally black human life out from the earth, all because your nipples are a little misshapen. You disgust me.

@February 23, 2022

@February 23, 2022 12:00 PM (CDT)

  • My salzburg Austria story, meeting “AlwaysWin18”. Him losing his job from my visit. #StoriesTold
  • Tell the story from the perspective of me being the boss man coming to town. Then the consequences. With the twist, literally I had nothing to do with it. I was going to meet a poker player and have fun. Even afterwards, no one even knew I met him.

@February 22, 2022

Melissa’s Story, expensive shoe

@February 22, 2022 9:49 PM (CDT)

  • I’m too busy to parse out your speech. Please prepare it for me. Tell me your opinion.

@February 22, 2022 4:24 PM (CDT)

@February 22, 2022 1:44 PM (CDT)

  • 2/22/22 on a twosday log

@February 22, 2022 12:46 PM (CDT)

  • Melisa wrote a story that deserves to be study. It’s observational, personal, and tragically heartbreaking. It’s a story with massive implications from a simple action.
  • The Price of a Shoe: #StoriesTold https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Z_ZmD4Qutqd2TmDNC7Q1cKMqkFXT8dACYfM9fKduudM/edit
  • What stands out to me —
    • perspective: the laborious process of getting vaccines in Africa. (Melisa said corrupt government)
    • This man who’s doing anything he can to get vaccines approved, trying to do some good and yet — because she doesn’t want to get her shoes dirty, won’t take a step outside the taxi. It’s rainy and too muddy.
    • observation: the underpaid service worker who will not do her IMPORTANT job (signing papers to get vaccines) in order to save her expensive shoes
    • The word play: double meaning of Expensive/Costly Shoes and Costly Consequences. This shoe is so expensive will cost countless lives.
    • Massive implications: because she didn’t want to get her shoes dirty, an entire community doesn’t get their vaccines. On a global scale, it could result in a new virus.
  • It’s not my story to write but I want to write it. It’s a story that needs to be told and told in many forms of media. Tell it as a log...

@February 22, 2022 10:00 AM (CDT)

  • Without opinion/perspective writing is flat. Commonly this happens when describing scenes or “info-dumping.
    1. Compare these openings

    2. At my desk, I sit down to write a first draft. I open a document with a working-title. Smelling my coffee in front of the page excites me.
    3. In a google document, in digital chicken-scratch, I spew ideas onto a page, which is foolish because I don’t need more fragmented sentences, I need to write prose.

@February 22, 2022 9:30 AM (CDT)

  • Hold a knife one way and you’re cautious and careful, ready to slice a vegetable. Hold it another way and you are ready to thrust it down into a piece of meat repeatedly, opening new orifices as your eyes turn red and spiky horns sprout from your skull.

@February 22, 2022 8:55 AM (CDT)

  • Read, “I found a cool, new book on blockchain.” Nikita, “what makes it cool?” I love simple questions, to ask them you have to be present. And I’m not. But because Nikita is, we learned the book has cool cool detailed technical diagrams. Nikita got excited and said how much she was interested in the overlap between art and science and technical diagrams are art! Look at where this conversation led from one simple question and a present woman to ask it.

@February 22, 2022 8:45 AM (CDT)

  • holy flashbacks #StoriesTold

@February 21, 2022

BBBS interview, I like relationship challenges for out of the mistakes you learn to navigate wisely

@February 21, 2022 6:00 PM (CDT)

  • defining your boundaries: it’s okay to ___, it’s not okay to ___

@February 21, 2022 4:26 PM (CDT)

  • with WWIII trending, a good life goal (a one thing) is to live more fully as the end nears
  • in light of this trend, I’ll watch a war movie tonight
  • image

@February 21, 2022 2:12 PM (CDT)

  • A skill of writing is to write a sentence and sit with it, what reactions do you have towards it, what lights up internally. Now infused the sentence with that.
  • Good writing is rich in reactions and internalizations. I found a qualifier to plumb your reactions. First, make a statement. ‘I smiled.’ Follow it with ‘which I find...’ or which I think...’, or one of many other fitting verbs, then justify that ‘because...’. After you know your reaction, rewrite, changing the sentence structure for voice and musicality.
    • @February 22, 2022 9:19 PM (CDT) I thought ‘which is ____ because’ was best for a reaction but instead it’s an opinion, your perspective on the world.
  • A book, “Techniques of the Selling Writer,” called these MRUs. Write a sentence about the external world, then write a sentence about your internal reaction. Repeat that until the end of the novel. Motivational-Reaction-Units, I believe they were called. [altho in my example, I smiled is considered an internal reaction.]

@February 21, 2022 1:16 PM (CDT)

  • Stories that came to mind recently #StoriesTold
    • 10 day meditation retreat, silent retreat, no talking, no touching. My roommate, Tyler, tattoos, drug dealer, not the zen type. Day 7 we're in hell. The gong rings to meet in the meditation hall for an hour sit. Our eyes meet and say Fuck. This. He reaches out his tattooed fist. We fist bump. The last 3 days are easy.
    • Boys trip, 10 dudes at the braves game. Kuks breaking down and crying in secret with me. [in toggle otter recording]

      Now thinking about the weekend with the boys. This is the classic vacation where there's all these big, big things, but none of them make for good story. Drunken shenanigans don't make for good stories, but what, what little moments happened that I can frame the weekend, around a moment that cooks and that would be Friday story. The moment the five second moment is Cook's breaking down. Tamar Midian how suicidal he's, he's been how something that Tyler said to him about his boys really cut to his core, and how this argument with Tyler, about the Braves, and Indians and what the name should be. That Kooks and Tyler had during the Braves game. How that's cut into something much deeper cooks respects Tyler, You think some as a very thoughtful person. But he also thinks of him as very privileged cooks is venting to me, man. He just broke down crying. He tried to hide. None. I hugged him. And he hugged me.

    • in the mist of a bad relationship, I wait in line to get a yoga brick and blanket. A guy who’s in front of me turns around and hands me his. I damn near cry.

@February 21, 2022 12:56 PM (CDT)

  • where to go to meet people at the fringes (in any interest)?

@February 21, 2022 12:37 PM (CDT)

  • The landscape of the crypto world is fascinating with people ranging from those who I’d trust to run the entire country, too those who I wouldn’t let watch my goldfish. There’s bros, engineers, celebrities, and people like my brother — the goths of the crypto world. Jeremy plays at the edges of the world, the unexplored territories. His recent adventure is “LinksDao” an NFT membership club. They vow to someday own a golf course that the members play at for free. I told him it’s silly, why be a member at a golf course not even in your city. But then I remembered, he also bought ethereum at $12. It pays to explore the edges. Just don’t fall off the world. [this reminds me of trump supporters. a good friend of mine, going down Trump rabbits, lost complete touch with reality. April 2021, he still believed Trump would be president and Biden being election was just a “pretendency”. ] Today I learned LinksDao members have access to golf courses here in Austin next weekend, during SXSW. If I owned the NFT, I could golf nice courses locally for free. What’s more — I would be paired with other people who live on the edge of the world. Tempting.
  • README_SXSW_Event_Details-1.pdf7591.2KB

    #Potential Essay My brother plays at the edges of the world

@February 21, 2022 12:20 PM (CDT)

  • The weekend was chill, which I needed after two weeks of travel. My only stress was about how my the hair on the right side of my head grows faster than the left side. wtf is that about.
  • Mortality underneath this.

@February 21, 2022 12:16 PM (CDT)

  • WOP7 I was excited but overwhelmed by the possibilities, as if I moved into a new house. WOP8 I feel like I'm returning home, the wood stove burning, a heavy blanket draped on a rocking chair. It will just be nice.

@February 21, 2022 11:50 AM (CDT)

  • Delirious Dean story formula interests me, I like the psychedelic adventure
  • 1) have a realistic premise where you set up all the leaps, 2) execute all the leaps back-to-back in a delirious fashion, but - I need feedback from readers so I can better orient them during the leaps (for example, I need to make it clear that the transformation was literal, and my grandfather didn't know it was me) - Michael

    The cascading leaps create a psychedelic adventure, like if Alice didn't stop in wonderland and instead explored the next rabbit role and the next and the next, until all she sees are waves of color and mandalas. But it's a challenge. I need a shaman to hold my hand so I lose myself in the delirium.

@February 20, 2022

@February 20, 2022 5:29 PM (CDT)


@February 20, 2022 4:50 PM (CDT)


@February 20, 2022 4:23 PM (CDT)

  • look to simply appreciate her, like viewing a rose

@February 20, 2022 3:59 PM (CDT)

  • ready-made humans

@February 20, 2022 2:52 PM (CDT)

  • in my expert opinion, she needs to not shave her head ever again in her life. If she has that idea a second time, it would behoove her to consult a friend who thinks blading isn’t something you choose, it chooses you
  • #favoriteLogs

@February 20, 2022 2:43 PM (CDT)

  • dress like a crazed artist and walk the city, writing fragments

@February 20, 2022 2:41 PM (CDT)

  • A man in his loud Lamborghini drives through downtown on a busy Sunday. He zigzags the streets, the street walkers with no choice but to be startled and look. It’s nice for people to look at you, I know it. For that I go to the gym, dressed up like a snoody flamingo who only eats the world’s rarest shrimp pleoticus robustus. I feel large and valuable yet like the man I too simply make others envious, lustful, judgmental. I too forget to wave.
  • #FavoriteLogs


@February 20, 2022 2:33 PM (CDT)

  • tattoo: movement

@February 20, 2022 1:30 PM (CDT)

  • Youtube commercial for reusable cotton swab gave me a nightmare-ish flashback. In Mexico my Ex wanted me to buy eco-friendly q-tips. I didn’t, I didn’t like buying everything for her and we already had a bunch of plastic ones to use. She didn’t like using those and threw a fit. God I miss her.
  • I miss all my Exs lol #tweets

@February 20, 2022 1:20 PM (CDT)

  • In ship30, Cole advocated writing your headline (title) before writing the essay. This is a skill. They teach you how to do it from a marketer’s approach to writing. How would the artist do this?
  • In my current essay, I started with the title, “Writing is the gateway to your True Self”. That was the idea. But essays are plunged forward, not by a single idea, but a single emotion. With iteration I found the title, “Writing is Fun,” and I suddenly had confidence to write.

@February 20, 2022 12:59 PM (CDT)

  • I keep looking out my window at the marathon runners. I want to know who is last.
  • #FavoriteLogs

@February 20, 2022 12:23 PM (CDT)


@February 20, 2022 12:05 PM (CDT)

  • I began each day to copy and pasting one or two logs to twitter. They don’t sound like tweets. They don’t sound like tweets!

@February 20, 2022 11:40 AM (CDT)

  • Marathon runners race by. Drums bang on the street corner, as people scream and cheer. I’m annoyed, until I remember my sister-in-law telling me, her last race was tough because no one was along the route cheering. Please drum on!

@February 20, 2022 11:15 AM (CDT)

  • Hundreds of marathon runners jog past the breakfast diner where hundreds of others are hungover drinking a bloody mary to walk straight again.

@February 20, 2022 10:00 AM (CDT)

  • After tossing my plate in the kitchen sink, a crispy bacon food scrap was left over on the counter. It’s okay if it has dust, bacteria, and kitchen-counter mites. It’s bacon! And bacon is always a savoring last bite. I pinch it, I look closely at the crystals sparkling, place it on my tongue, ready for my trip. Oh it tastes good, until the flavor changes. It’s a blacken edge of a potato wench from yesterday. Back onto the counter, I spit it. A week later from a bean stock grows from it. Dust mites scale it.
  • #FavoriteLogs

@February 20, 2022 8:18 AM (CDT)

  • Queen Cesy, get off your high horse and let’s go some fucking yoga. I paid $10 to move my body which it’s already ridiculous because I could walk around the block for free. But now that the door is locked, the curtain closed, the class knows my name, and you sit in the front of us — do you have three fucking blankets under you? is your anus that pompous that it begs to be pet or scratched without three fucking blankets? — now I’m stuck. And at this moment in my crisis, she pulled out a whiteboard. For thirty minutes of a SIXITY MINUTE CLASS she intellectualizes about yoga and a Sûtra or some name of a book from a period in time when the years were only three digits long. When it came time to move, I had first wake my leg up. For the rest of class I rebelled against her guidance. Finally the door unlocked and I walked away from the whiteboard. All the way around the block.
  • #FavoriteLogs

@February 20, 2022 8:16 AM (CDT)

  • When niche personalities within you to activate and take command, you truly express emotions.

@February 19, 2022

@February 19, 2022 10:18 PM (CDT)

Live Writing during Movie Basic Instinct [want to experiment with this]

  • @February 19, 2022 8:50 PM (CDT) To select the movie, Save The Cat, WhyDunIt
  • @February 19, 2022 9:00 PM (CDT) Ouf, the beginning haunts me. Sex scenes I always enjoy, unless my dad is in the room. My mom too, I would squirm if she was in the room, probably look at my phone, swipe back and forth on across the home screens, while listening closely to the animal noises. Tonight neither of them were present. That excited me, until the climax when the beautiful naked actress swung an ice pick through the man she was fucking. I groaned.
  • @February 19, 2022 9:15 AM (CDT) Popcorn in tuberware
  • @February 19, 2022 10:51 PM (CDT) mysterious ending
  • @February 20, 2022 12:38 PM (CDT) experiment failed, as I thought of it half way through the movie. Will try again.

@February 19, 2022 5:00 PM (CDT)

  • Hot yoga today at Black Swan, and god, it feels good to sweat, like really sweat. Beads dripped to the mat from damn near joint of my body. Behind me a plus size model (very attractive) stretched out on a custom yoga mat, a mural of a plus sized model doing yoga. She too made me hot.

@February 19, 2022 3:56 PM (CDT)

  • We capture three things: 1. our decisions, 2. our observations/learnings, 3. desires/wishes/dreams
  • Decisions are rich for story, and they could be anything. I decided to get out of bed this morning. One morning I wish to literally not step on my bedroom floor until after noon. To prepare for this, bedside, I want a coffee, a meaty book, and a large water bottle for when I’m dying to pee.
  • Five times a day, capture a decision and make it POP.

@February 19, 2022 1:27 PM (CDT)

  • The New Era Hat collector who doesn’t know color theory.

@February 19, 2022 12:43 PM (CDT)

  • WOP8 Unique Perspective: Writing is Fun.
    • 3 Step Guide to Fun
      1. Start a Logloglog, which unencumbers “what to write about” pressure
      2. Write Prose, not thoughts, by clarifying exactly what you’re saying.
      3. Have Fun, by waiting for images.
    • Bonus Fun: It’s fun to think in prose.
  • Essay Setting: I’m a carny, “step right up and play the funnest game in the world. I call the imagination.” I teach you the rules, (three step guide). And give you the objective to write 5 a day, to win a prize, of ____(?). My hidden intention: when you find your own voice, you’ll run away from the system and join the carnival. The essay follows a woman around doing this, maybe on notepad. In the end, she runs away to the carnival, meets the carny who with an evil looks says something about the revolution has begun.

@February 19, 2022 12:28 PM (CDT)

  • Logloglog Writing practices primarily POP writing. Essay Writing practice primarily story/idea structure.

@February 19, 2022 11:35 AM (CDT)

  • Dress up like Vitalik at BTC Conference | an alien wearing modern day human, (made in Planet Earth).
  • Buy a stupid NFT avatar before conference and print a patch

@February 18, 2022

Marnie Spiritual Path at 17 and yet leading to loneliness and confusion and desiring relationship

@February 18, 2022 9:43 PM (CDT)

  • I bought a Miami BTC conference ticket last night, which made me question why do I want to go. On the website, I flicked through and read a statement, “This is a BTC-only conference. Please stay focused and on topic at the event. Save conversations about other protocols and cryptocurrencies for outside of the conference.” This is a cult. And many of the speakers are gods among men, so they believe, and too believe their followers. But the true god, isn’t even a speaker, yet he’d be spoken of. I want to go to the conference for the name Satoshi Nakamoto. I’m a follower of an idea.
  • Miami BTC conference tickets increase at midnight. Promo code: BRAVE for 10% off.

@February 18, 2022 3:31 PM (CDT)

  • someone prehistoric told me I’m an old soul but what the hell does that mean. I liked it all the less. I want to think she means I’m smarter than other 35 year olds. But I have a feeling it’s more about how I like to wear sweaters and how I walk slowly, or maybe even she knows about my hesitancy to urinate. Either way, it’s quotable.
  • #favoriteLogs

@February 18, 2022 1:22 PM (CDT)

  • While the cosmos let Neanderthals hunt and gather, it domesticated humans. We used to ravage the plains and the tall grass and the jungles, until the cosmos fed us with crops. Its crops tamed our aggression and selected our corporation; those who were kind, friend, and loving survived. Soon the cosmos gifted us tempur-pedic beds and weighted blankets, for us to nuzzle our way to sleep. Yet many of us have rabies. Like pedophiles. And militarists. And well-intentioned yet actionless people.
  • [This is a visual version of this, and would make for nice long form essay. Life as the cosmos’s pets. What kind of pet do you want to be?] #PotentialEssays

@February 18, 2022 12:07 PM (CDT)

  • Poker was no different than writing — I worked under a pseudonym. But in poker no one assumed your pseudonym was your real name. In writing, however, we tend to use full names, which cause people to feel deceived. For this, I like some of the WOP names like AntPStyle, iolevoi.
    Poker Player
    1. Possible modifications of Arthur Plainview

    2. Plainly Arthur
    3. Simply Arthur
    4. ArthurP
    5. Arthur ILikeTheWordTryst
    6. Arthur LikesToWrite
    7. Plainview Arthur

@February 18, 2022 11:57 AM (CDT)

  • He dives me insane and I can't look away. It helps me forget how I’m 35 & alone and blading and can’t pronounce stamina.
  • #FavoriteLogs

@February 18, 2022 9:23 AM (CDT)

  • Whoa!
  • image

@February 18, 2022 9:13 AM (CDT)

  • My yoga teacher told me she had to take a week off because she didn’t feel loved. It’s like she doesn’t know everyone absolutely adores her. So I told her. She winced. I guess it’s like feeling lonely in public.
  • Marnie’s Story
    • 50ish yoga instructor by morning, Public Radio by afternoon
    • Single, without family besides her 85 year old father.
    • Learned Yoga in California in the 80s
    • Her classes are so good that even though I have no current plans to teach yoga, I still take notes, just in case.
    • Troubled childhood, she always says reckless. Finds a spiritual yogi at SEVENTEEN years ago, and commit to the life.
    • She told me, before yoga she was one massive eruption. She learned to be calm. But now, even though externally she’s calm, she feels that eruption boiling inside. “I have stories clambering to get out,” she tells me.
    • “Locked in syndrome.” The way she feels around her stories. Paralysis. Fucking scary image. Especially haunting with such a lovely person.

@February 17, 2022

Lorri’s Son BJJ, Texas Spring

@February 17, 2022 7:47 PM (CDT)

  • Another crummy cork sealing off my red wine. The wine opener failed, only extracted the center of the cork to the surface. Creativity is quickest when it’s needed for a vice. I used a pair of scissors, a screw, the claw of a hammer, and a powerdrill to uncork the bottle. The wine is tasty. The floating crumbs of tree bark not so much.
  • #FavoriteLogs

@February 17, 2022 4:40 PM (CDT)

  • the universe rewards movement #tweet

@February 17, 2022 3:53 PM (CDT)

  • Cool spring day in Texas feels like Fall in Minnesota. The trees cling onto brown leaves. People dress in layers. Typical Minnesotans would leave the house half naked for this spring weather, shuffling out of hibernation. Still not me, even though I am Minnesotan, I lack insulation between my skin and bones.
  • Life Capture

@February 17, 2022 2:37 PM (CDT)

  • The etymology of desire is “await what the stars will bring”. A desire isn’t something we do. It’s something done to us, from the stars. Carl Sagan says, “The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.” And I say, our desires are a way for the universe to impact itself. Except the magnitude of impact — you choose.

@February 17, 2022 1:06 PM (CDT)

  • a microscopic hole in an air(less) mattress

@February 17, 2022 12:59 PM (CDT)

  • “Twitter jolts. Logloglog transforms.” How would NBC broadcast this story, the Arthurics 1986-unknown?

@February 17, 2022 12:31 PM (CDT)

  • “Every reader reads for his or her own transformation” I got this wrong. Let me explain —
  • Short stories are jolts of emotion. Novels an ever-present transformation.
  • #PotentialEssay

  • Bullet Pointed lists are jolts of emotion. Essays transformations.
  • Tiktok jolts. Films transform, (unless you’re watching Tim and Eric’s billion dollar movie.)
  • Twitter jolts. Logloglog transforms.

@February 17, 2022 10:04 AM (CDT)

  • when what I want to say in a text isn’t clear to me, I send audio messages. the voice communicates those subtleties which words cannot. I wanted to make sure she understood although I said no I was a good guy. #tweets

@February 16, 2022

$7.47 Icebath

@February 16, 2022 8:36 PM (CDT)

  • Learning what you consider invaluable is just as important as learning what’s valuable

@February 16, 2022 3:41 PM (CDT)

  • The Waste Management Open Golf Tournament: As my father and I walked into the event, he shares a personal story about his childhood. These are the conversations I crave with him. Ten minutes later, I’m lost in a fantasy world as I notice every single woman wearing a sundress. My primal mind spins out of control. My father asks me a question. I respond with one word. I need to return to my fantasy. #StoryTold
  • ^ I found the story frame to tell my experience while talking with Simone

@February 16, 2022 1:33 PM (CDT)

  • Work/Writing Music: today’s song which makes you bounce and bob on repeat
    My Writing System

@February 16, 2022 11:57 AM (CDT)

  • Essay/Story length depends on how much backstory is needed for the reader’s transformation (a reader’s change in perspective). #tweet
  • In under fifty words, I can tell a full story about a golf tournament which is like a WWE event. Afterwards, the reader’s perspective changes over what attending a golf tournament could be like. Whereas if I want to tell a story about a 24 year old rookie who choked on the last hole of the tournament — I need to explore his backstory, delve into his internal struggles that caused his choking. Novels often explore internal struggles which formed in childhood. Decades of backstory. And so we write hundreds of thousands of words.

@February 16, 2022 10:51 AM (CDT)

@February 16, 2022 8:38 AM (CDT)

  • On Wednesdays in Tyler’s yoga class, we do poses that shake my whole body as I work muscles I’ve rarely work. On Tuesdays in Nikita’s class, the poses are consistent and routine - it’s a meditation where I go deeper.
    #PotentialEssay Different Instructors offer different experiences, but they’re all good

@February 15, 2022

Selected to be a WOP8 Steward

@February 15, 2022 10:13 PM (CDT)

  • A Deep Okayness is about overall quality of life, rather than achievement of a particular goal.

@February 15, 2022 6:29 PM (CDT)

  • for essay feedback I wonder about experimenting with Loom. Good feedback is a conversation. Spoken (in Loom) makes it less formal and more open to interpretation. Would this depressurize the essayist from his overwhelm?

@February 15, 2022 5:04 PM (CDT)

  • From Michael Log, “Redefining your conception on how long a specific piece needs to be can be a game-changer. A shortcut around writer’s block. That piece that you thought was going to be 3,600 words can actually be told in 900, and it will be way better for it.”
  • Write a first draft to completion. Get feedback. If expansion is needed, you’ll hear it. #tweet

@February 15, 2022 2:09 PM (CDT)

  • Life moves fast, with little time for emotions. Sadness may be processed through a single text. Or anger in a new course of action. Pride is a sly drop of an achievement in conversation. Therapy is time to wallow in emotions. #tweets

@February 15, 2022 1:38 PM (CDT)

  • Investing in creators is trending. In poker this is called staking a player. The staker lends money to the stakee who plays poker and pays the staker a percentage of his winnings. If you have resources like coaching, tools, and community — this was a lucrative side hustle. What would these resources be for the creator economy?
    Poker Player
  • I know of one creator who I want to invest in. I’m watching for more.
  • In poker for many talented players it was necessary to be staked because many struggled with gambling problems. Managing money is a different skill than playing good poker. So for those with no self control, a staking deal fetters those impulses. (Also the highest stakes in poker require 100-300k bankrolls. Many talented players never have those funds. A staking deal allows them to jump up to the highest levels.)

@February 15, 2022 1:21 PM (CDT)

@February 15, 2022 1:06 PM (CDT)

  • Stories edit themselves simply by telling them.
  • This morning I told a few yogis about the golf tournament in Arizona. I said something like, “I went to Arizona to visit my dad and brother. We went to the Waste Management Open, it’s a golf tournament unlike most. It’s a drunken golf tournament, where one hole has a colosseum of stands built around it and everyone cheers the golfers on.” The yogis didn’t quite understand so I backtracked, “Typically golf tournaments are proper and straight edged, and when players are about to hit the ball, the crowd silences. Here, however, the crowd cheers.” This perspective is crucial for the story, especially when the listeners don’t have any golf experience.
  • Also I learned the most interesting part of the story; they perked up after I said, “One golfer got a hole-in-one and the crowd, 20,000 fans, all started throwing their drinks in the air, a massive beer shower. Soon the course was covered in beer cans.”
  • Next time I tell this story, I’ll first open with this perspective, I’ll paint a picture of the typical proper and prim golf fans, then I’ll paint a colosseum of primates showering each other with beer.
  • #PotentialEssay Distill from Conversation

@February 14, 2022

Into The Wild and a Deep Okayness

@February 14, 2022 10:24 PM (CDT)

  • On a dateless Valentines evening, I choose the movie Into The Wild. It helped.
  • The protagonist in Into The Wild has one focus, adventuring north to Alaska. In route, relationships are built but never held on. No attachments. I want that spirit.
  • Joel Haver has that spirit in “i don’t know where i’m going”.

@February 14, 2022 9:53 PM (CDT)

  • On the street guy asks me, “Hey sir do you have $3.” What a curious number, $3. Inflation is here.

@February 14, 2022 8:07 PM (CDT)

  • Character description: “characteristic immoderation”

@February 14, 2022 1:15 PM (CDT)

  • Baby about to cry on the plane, parents fans him with a pamphlet. Baby senses the panic and cries.

@February 14, 2022 12:39 PM (CDT)

  • 19B is my seat, a middle seat. I’m between two large men who blot out the sunny windows.
  • One eats from a bag of Kitkat sticks like potato chips.

@February 14, 2022 12:12 PM (CDT) on flight PHX ⇒ AUS

[Story ranted on the plane-ride while reflecting about my time in AZ.]

  • It is Valentine’s Day and I am dateless. Lonely too. I’m in a lonely season of my life. By the time summer comes around, I’ll be back in a relationship season. Throughout my life, when I’m single, I’m scanning my environment for potential mates. Constantly. Once in high school, I went to hang out with “the private school” kids. I had been chatting (on ICQ) with one of the girls there. When I showed up, one of the guys said, “If Carly wasn’t here, Arthur wouldn’t be here.” “Bros over hoes, Arthur.” Twenty years later, I’m am still doing anything for women, as in my last relationship I would’ve hurled my body in front of a car for her. And now, in this lonely space, my eyes are scanning the horizon again. Over my Arizona trips, I had two unpleasant experiences. The first on my flight to Phoenix, I sat next to an attractive woman. She wore a burgundy sweatsuit and sparkling nails. The back of her hand, her skin was painful to look at like, the ring in Lord of the Rings. I beared a two hour flight, longing to bump knees with her. No words were said, but when the flight attendant collected trash, I grabbed her cup from her. The side of my pointer finger grazed hers, and I flashed black with a fiery irises staring at me. Her skin was soft. The second unpleasant time was at the Waste Management Open, a golf tournament where women dawn summer dresses, it’s sunny yet not warm enough to sweat, and strangers cheers strangers because a white ball rolls into a tiny hole. Oh, too I was with my brother and my father. So unpleasant. Imagine Golem lurking in the sun, surrounded by thousands of “the Ring”s. With the fiery eye following me everywhere, I couldn’t hear the conversations my family were having. After we said goodbye in the parking lot, I felt sad for missing an afternoon with my dad. I texted him, the sun knocked me out today, a bid for connection. But I missed my opportunity. No more of this shit. It’s painful. I want to settle into myself, be comfortable with what I have. Travel to see friends and family, not to meet someone. Converse with friends and family without an agenda. Last Friday, my brother and I long boarded to QT. We got a drink inside and sat at the picnic table and talked for 2 hours. I asked him a question without knowing the answer. For a brief moment at that metal picnic table, surrounded by folks walking out of QT with 72 oz of MT Dew or Coke, I didn’t feel lonely. What would it be like to just be okay?
  • #StoryTold

  • I’m thinking of the next action. What small thing can I do to move in the direction of change that I want to go? The goal is to find comfort being alone. It’s from that space that you can be present with people in your life.
    • edit @February 14, 2022 10:48 PM (CDT) watched Into The Wild. Was a nice next action.
  • Speaking plainly: I graduated high school. I slaved over engineering textbooks. I hustled poker. I wrote books. Meanwhile throughout each of those, I dated women and missed my opportunity to say hi to thousands of others.

@February 14, 2022 9:34 AM (MST)

  • A well captured fragment only says ONE thing.
    • Example, The people of Arizona wait in long lines for little things like fast food or a coffee. The Dunn Bros coffee line at 11pm was forty cars deep. It becomes a social event. Who are we going to see in line tonight.
      1. Life Capture
        I’m saying many different things here —

      2. Something about the resilience of Arizonans over lines.
      3. Something about lines being activities in themselves.
      4. I’m having flashbacks to lines in Mexico.
      5. Why the fuck do people wait in line for an hour for a coffee?
      6. Choose one and rewrite!

@February 14, 2022 9:00 AM (CDT)

  • My brother and his wife enter their apartment differently. My brother cuts across the rocks to get to the front door. Rachel stays on the path which winds around the rocks and gets to the door shortly after.

@February 13, 2022

my dad and his blue superbowl tarp

@February 13, 2022 11:00 PM (CDT)

  • Nice exchange in Blade Runner. Evil replica bosslady shows up to humanlady’s office. Human lady, knowing it’s her end, pours a shot of liquor and swigs it. A moment of relief. Bosslady grabs her hand and squeezes until the shot glass shatters. Glass shards slice gradually impale humanlady’s hand. She regrets pouring the shot.

@February 13, 2022 8:00 PM (CDT)

  • Steve, a 60-year-old golfer, keeps a rolled up mat in his golf bag. It’s artificial turf. When he hits his ball into the desert, he tosses it on the sand, rolls his ball onto the green grass, and hits his ball from it. Genius.

@February 13, 2022 1:18 PM (MST)

  • how do planes which drag the marketing banners beyond them take off and land?

@February 13, 2022 1:09 PM (MST)

  • unnecessary invention: flat chapstick to put in my wallet. Again I forgot my stick and the AZ sun is roasting my lips

@February 13, 2022 1:49 PM (CDT)

  • This content creator is cheesy, self-peddling, ego-driven marketer. And I can’t look away.
  • I’m envious of... Part of me wants to also market myself like such. But I suppress that. I rather write.
  • Like this Porsche with rainbow paint job and EZloans license plate. The guy pushes fully into the douche role. I like that.

@February 13, 2022 1:19 PM (CDT)

  • Write the opening sentences (of any message) clearly. Answer what exactly are you saying, what is your perspective and opinion. Once you open the message clearly, the ending writes itself.
    • Simone writes this way. “There’s a woman who does boot camp with me and I don’t like her hair or the way she moves. Her rhythm is off.” Her perspective is clear and the punchline writes itself: “Her rhythm is off. In contrast, I’m perfect.”

@February 13, 2022 1:07 PM (CDT)

  • a latch key kid, a child who returns home after school to an empty house

@February 12, 2022

Waste Management Golf w/ Dad&Brother | Last name Neufeld

@February 12, 2022 11:34 PM (MST)

@February 12, 2022 12:00 PM (CDT)

  • Adapt your drink preferences to your surrounding environment. A beer will cultivate a social vibe. A coffee an intellectual vibe. A water omg I’m just trying to survive vibe.

@February 12, 2022 11:40 AM (CDT)

  • On a sign I saw the name Merritt. That’s someone I know! Troy Merritt played golf at my university. Actually I joined the golf team the year after he left. They had won nationals that year. And Troy was playing in this tournament. I tracked him down. Yelled our university at him like a madman. He smirked.

@February 12, 2022 11:32 AM (CDT)

  • unnecessary invention: porta potty with nose plugs that dangle from the ceiling for your convenient use

@February 12, 2022 11:30 AM (CDT)

  • My dad points at two gorgeous women and says got some good looking nachos.

@February 12, 2022 11:15 AM (CDT)

  • Met a woman at the driving range. Three players (professionals) were hitting balls. She asked why are these guys so bad and just practicing rather than playing. I informed her they were the leaders of the tournament. I also informed her the game they were playing was golf and there are 18 holes.

@February 12, 2022 11:05 AM (CDT)

  • I told my dad I met a guy in Austin that has family in Mountain Lake MN, a tiny town that my dad grew up in. He asked his last name. I didn’t know it. But this sparked a story from my dad that he’s never shared with me...
  • My dad told me, you know your last name should be different. It should be Neufeld. Ummmm... My dad was raised as a mennonite. Up until he was TK years old (50?, I need to ask), he questioned why was he a mennonite when the rest of the town and all his friends were Lutherans. He never asked his father because his father was weird about it and he “didn’t want the belt.” One day a man sent him his ancestry history. His grandma (his dad’s mom) was a Lutheran who got pregnant by a mennonite, (and out of wed-lock). It was a no, no. She converted to mennonite with hopes his family would accept her. They didn’t. Both died without marrying. </3 I three generations later was given her last name.

@February 12, 2022 11:00 AM (CDT)

  • The clothes you wear help bring out certain personalities within you. I have a friend who when she attends concerts, she dresses up like the band. She wants to embody the same energy as them. Attending a golf tournament, with women in sun dresses everywhere, I want to bring out my love of golf, my social, and my vacation personalities. What clothes will encourage that?
    1. A List
      • Huge sunglasses
      • Green head to toe
      • Golf glove in backpocket
      • Drinking Honey Jack Lemonades or Sparkling waters (not coffee)

@February 12, 2022 9:00 AM (MST)

  • My brother’s shower refused to give me warm water. The handle was beyond the red line. Water had ran for 5 minutes. So I showered cold. Afterwards, I learned the blue and red lines are backwards. WHY?!?! That never even crossed my mind.

@February 12, 2022 8:00 AM (CDT)

Notes of Waste Managment Struggle

  • My father and I went to a golf tournament, a sport we both love, and I struggled to be present with him. Instead of telling him of my struggle, I went deeper into it. I left a “bonding” experience feeling unbonded (with my elderly father who I see roughly 10 days a year). Afterwards, I briefly felt that sadness and sent him a I love you text. Therapy gives space to wallow in sadness. But also, what emotions overwhelmed me that got me stuck in my head in the first place? Let’s wallow in those too. (This too goes for prideful experience, joyous experiences, and on and on.)
  • Why didn’t I bring the struggle up with my brother, point out the attractive women around.

@February 11, 2022

Long boarding to QT for no reason at all (but glad to be there)

@February 11, 2022 7:38 PM (MST)

  • I ate a gummy. My brother handed me a long board and a flashlight, and said watch for cracks. Pray for me.

@February 11, 2022 7:25 PM (MST)

  • After a trip, sketch a map of meaningful events or things you noticed. A map could be of a city. Or it could be of a single room. Tell a story from the map.

@February 11, 2022 4:31 PM (CDT)

  • What’s for lunch? Cheba Hut, a cannabis themed sandwich shop
  • @February 11, 2022 4:44 PM (MST) Imagine the owner and his buddies plotting how to design Cheba Hut. His list must’ve looked like this...
    1. List of Goodies

    2. Rice crispy treats & CAPTAIN CRUNCH TREATS. Why not dude?
    3. “Toasted” subs. bahahahaha
    4. Koolaid machines. Both blue and red of course.
    5. No table numbers. Pop culture references only! Dr.Dre chronic 2001 table.

@February 11, 2022 3:11 PM (CDT)

  • Now, when I stretch, I feel tight muscles relaxing — after six months of yoga, 4-5 times a week. Previously tight muscles feigned relaxation; once the stretch was released, they stopped pretending and knotted and cramped up.

@February 11, 2022 1:29 PM (MST)

  • communities form on discord around a creator or a topic. Advantages over Twitter
    • Informal communication
    • 24h chatting, unlike Twitter based around an idea
    • Superfans connect and collab and perhaps some date.
  • I want a body of work so big that a community forms around the worlds I create. (Think Kurt Vonnegut with cities (Ilium) and characters (Kilgore Trout) which repeat throughout his books.)

@February 11, 2022 1:27 PM (MST)

  • Classic cars flock to Arizona because their lifespan lengthens without water in the air to rust them. Humans too.

@February 11, 2022 1:20 PM (MST)

  • voice solidifies as you grow to understand yourself (how and why you see the world, and because of that your purpose here, how you will impact others)

@February 11, 2022 1:07 PM (MST)

  • Self expression is found in niche vocabulary. One friend of mine often uses words like plandemic instead of pandemic to describe the current political situation. Another friend when describing dance moves and how to properly do them uses long technical names for body parts. “The acetabulofemoral joint.”

@February 11, 2022 12:18 PM (MST)

  • I talked with my brother for 2 hours about childhood, his past, and discord chat, while sitting at metal picnic table at QT. It was simply nice.
  • My eldest brother did a lot of psychedelics. I had no idea. Now his Pink Floyd collection and waterbed make sense.
  • Six out of Ten people walked out with a large plastic QT cup full of coke or mt dew. I counted.

@February 11, 2022 8:55 AM (CDT)

  • I’m in Arizona relaxing with family. A few times, I remembered “i don’t know where i’m going.” specifically Joel’s behavior and mannerisms while talking with friends and family. I appreciate Joel showcasing mundane conversations. It’s nice to ask a loved one a question.

@February 11, 2022 8:41 AM (CDT)

  • My family has old family photos, from the days before the divorce. Hundreds of them stored in boxes. They are unspoken. Yesterday, twenty years after the divorce, I learned of their existence. These photos are stored in my dad’s house, out of the light. My brother looked through a fraction of them last time he was home, he said my dad was weird about them. My family is always weird around things we care about. During the divorce, he gave up a lot in material wealth to fight for them. He has a right to be weird. #StoryTold

@February 10, 2022

Old Photo Albums

@February 10, 2022 5:38 PM (CDT)

  • Understand thyself, unless you want to spend an entire flight longing for a knee bump, without it ever happening.
    • It’s a weird feeling to sit on a flight and for the entire 2.5 hours, crave your neighbor to connect. Just bump knees. No matter what you do, that feeling hangs in the air. I try to write. Was that a knee bump? No. Lots of space between. The cloth of the baggy sweater touches my arm. I want to lean into it. But I don’t. Her hands look pretty, soft skin with nice nails and jewelry.
    • The part that gets neglected in this is the artist and the whole. The man who just is here, on a flight to AZ to see his family. The man who is single, partly enjoying being single, partly wanting to find someone to start a family with. The writer who wants to write about his experience without fragmenting and crying out for the teet of connection. You die alone. Part of me wants to be grounded in that, be happy alone. I don’t need to bump knees. Living in a cabin, books and journals, and chopping wood, and casting the pole, eating bass directly from my lake. Traveling around, interacting with strangers for the sake of lingering with another. These too are desires in me.
    • One perspective: connecting is the most important thing. Connect with your neighbors. Alternative perspective: I’m a complex creature with a host of desires, all competing. Connection is one of those. It’s one of those.
    • It’s an adult who drinks milk all day.
    • Magical realism scene: I’m like a chameleon my skin changes colors depending on the desire. As I get more fragmented and conflicted, it becomes a neon light show. Soon, the whole airplane notices me (can feel my energy).
      Magical Realism
    • Today on the flight I chose to write and not say something to the neighbor. It was a choice. I made it. I own that choice to not talk to the pretty neighbor who I sat next to.

@February 10, 2022 4:23 PM (CDT)

  • Once upon a time I was 26 years old and I went to the playboy mansion. It was like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. And I was Charlie, an overly nice, Minnesota boy who entered the factory with untainted eyes. I won my golden ticket through an endurance challenge, where I played poker for 80 hour weeks over the course of 3 months. Before I entered the mansion, the night before, I met the other kids who were going. One, Jon, a 45 year old. He showed me is Rolex and pictures of women standing next to his cars. Jon ate lots of twinkies, I imagined. He was wide. The second child I met was Tucker. Tucker had a shaven head and veiny skin. He was the only kid of the ground with facial hair. He snipped it into a goatee. He showed me a picture of him the last time he went to the chocolate factory. He was naked and his goatee was deep into a life-style Barbie doll. I never seened that before. A crowd of people watched them. I also never seened that before. [story continues...]
  • #favoriteLog

@February 10, 2022 4:18 PM (CDT)

  • Unnecessary invention: the water bottle that releases air pressure on an airplane.

@February 10, 2022 3:41 PM (CDT)

  • typing on a full airplane, tucking elbows in between the seat arms.
  • I want to write so bad I’ll do it uncomfortably.
  • How about the guy who has no respect for boundaries. He sits down on a full airplane, takes a computer monitor out of his backpack and a raspberry pi, plugging them into the airplanes USB port. His elbow jab his neighbors as he types. His mechanical keyboard clacks causing every baby on the airplane to cry. He squeezes, too absorbed in his work to cover his mouth. Spittle sprays. And yet, part of me respects that guy — meanwhile I sit on a full flight, and cram my elbows in between the seat arms so that I respect my neighbor’s space. My wrists hanging over the keyboard, encouraging carpel tunnel as my boney fingers drape down to the keys. My shoulders tickle my earlobes. I further disconnect myself from my neighbors until I no longer say I’m sorry after we bump knees. I barely think it. I jerk away like a maniac.
  • #favoriteLog #tweet

@February 10, 2022 2:05 PM (CDT)

  • I like tattoos but I never want to be defined by them. I want to hide every single one, at times.
  • With that being said, lately I’ve wanted a small, neck tattoo, one that only the keen observer would see. Visa’s tattoo is the closest thing to want to what I want.

@February 10, 2022 2:04 PM (CDT)

  • The people on a flight represent the destination.

@February 10, 2022 1:55 PM (CDT)

  • Joel Haver made a lovely documentary of his travel, meeting up with friends and having slow conversations. Lots of lingering. Even his title lingered, “i don’t know where I’m going”. He filmed these, made art from it.
  • I’m in a travel stage. What is my version of this? What kind of art can I create?
  • It’s an adventure, like Huckleberry Finn riding down the river. It becomes an interesting story when he has a secret like he has cancer and this is his goodbye to these people, without actually telling them. In his final days, he weaves the footage Together as his goodbye. We live the journey out through the eyes of the people he visited. Experiencing the emotions they go through watching it.

@February 10, 2022 12:24 PM (CDT)

  • Crawdads, “Unnecessarily high”. When to tell vs show clarifies when you have a bigger vocabulary.

@February 10, 2022 11:30 AM (CDT)

  • Sent Michael, “I watched hours of Joel's videos last night. His video "i don't know where i'm going" scared me. I long to find a wife and a family. But watching Joel on that journey, with a talent to document it and make art of it, I want that too. Part of me, more than a family.” Also after a troubling relationship where I let her effect me more than I wish, I think discovering my artists side will ground me more in who I am.

@February 10, 2022 10:10 AM (CDT)

  • At school why are children, even with all their wisdom and fresh eyes, viscous to other children?

@February 10, 2022 9:54 AM (CDT)

  • Reading The Crawdads Sing. On page 30, I fell for Kya. Kya, six years old, attends her first day of school - of her life. The truant officer coaxed her to come by describing the chicken pot pie she get for lunch. Kya only had chicken pot pie a few times in her life, but remembered its “golden crust, crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside.” And “She could feel that full gravy taste.” At lunch, she sits alone, nervous, “for all the hunger in her stomach, she found her mouth had gone dry.” So she only ate a few bites then drank all her milk, and... stuffed all the pie she could in the milk carton and wrapped it in her napkin. Ugh, I need to know what kind of woman she grows into.

@February 9, 2022

Joel Haver Roadtrip, living as an artist / conversation with Michael

@February 9, 2022 10:33 PM (CDT)

  • discover who you are through relationships and your art that you build from them

@February 9, 2022 10:32 PM (CDT)

  • Joel Haver speaking in otter about dogs. He was traveling around the country, relating with people. He started talking into otter about his experience with the dog. He noticed how soft it makes him. And that leads him to think of a badass motorcyclist coming home to a labordoodle. It’s the experience that he distills into that wisdom.

@February 9, 2022 7:01 PM (CDT)

  • Cal double booking. Offers me a comp + dance with Katie. It’s unfair to Katie.

@February 9, 2022 6:44 PM (CDT)

  • I want a family, I have wanted a family for years, in beliefs. In action, I fall in love quickly, addicted to the connection. In action, I gravitate towards legos with children rather than conversations with adults. I want to grow my own. But also in action, I write. I self improve. I experiment what it means to be human. And today, I found the words for it, after Michael introduced me to TK. I want to live like an artist, a creator of all things my life.

@February 9, 2022 3:36 PM (CDT)

  • celebrating being selected for a WOP steward with a cookie.
  • @February 9, 2022 3:45 PM (CDT) Edit^ four cookies.

@February 9, 2022 12:11 PM (CDT)

  • Ameila’s playlists capture the tip of her emotional journey through life, how she processes something. She has a playlist after our breakup. When I’m sad and lonely, I will look up some of the song lyrics. I get more sad and lonely. Sometimes I like that. Mosttimes I don’t.

@February 9, 2022 11:00 AM (CDT)

  • I go to pay taxes on my Telsa. The DMV, stingy with the “rebate” is written in, so we can’t count it. Go fuck off. You know what she meant. Anger activated, “You know what she meant. Why do I get penalized for it? I don’t even know the representative who wrote rebate. I was mailed these as such. Tell me exactly what the difference is. I want to know how I’m being effect by the stick up your ass.” I wish I said that. Instead I estimated paying $40 extra in taxes and I beared it.

@February 9, 2022 10:03 AM (CDT)

  • Writing checks is stressful because I have to spell. I will do anything to not write a check. Credit card 3% fee, okay. Walk a half mile to atm, okay. Anything so I don’t have to attempt to spell numbers.

@February 9, 2022 9:17 AM (CDT)

  • The worlds most haunting feeling: pulling into a giant parking lot of a DMV tax office and seeing not only is every spot filled but too all the handicap spots are filled and too twenty cars roam around looking for another spot.
  • @February 9, 2022 9:18 AM (CDT) I’m number T0-63. “Now serving T0- (the moment of truth) T0-39.”
  • @February 9, 2022 9:23 AM (CDT) already T0-43! Maybe won’t be too bad.

@February 8, 2022

Boiling water in Texas

@February 8, 2022 8:23 PM (CDT)

  • I want to meet my wife. What is the smallest version of this? Atomic date, say hi and ask a question.

@February 8, 2022 3:49 PM (CDT)

  • The problem with therapy is it’s easy to find problems where there aren’t any. My therapist and I can get into that dynamic. We begin talking about something, like when Beau said “No one successful goes to therapy.” This angers me. And in the therapy session, Kim asks me how that makes me feel and what that makes me want to do. And right away I think my actions were hindered - clearly what I did wasn’t right, I think. So I begin to wonder other ways of acting, like telling him I’m angry. All while we ignore my actual reaction of being energized by the anger to stand up for my belief. I considered my reaction a problem or as if there is a better thing I could’ve done.

@February 8, 2022 12:51 PM (CDT)

  • The write atomically principals apply to any and all business adventures. Want to teach an imagination workshop course? Start with a small group of willing friends. Want to teach a dance course? Start teaching a semi-private with Lorri and friends. (A lot starts out as an experiment with friends.) What is the smallest version of what you desire?

@February 8, 2022 12:50 PM (CDT)

  • A dance course where you work with a group for a month long, twice a week. First day is introductions and class building, getting comfortable with each other.

@February 8, 2022 11:29 AM (CDT)

  • Action which hide yourself are the enemy. This morning I told Nikita about my trip. I hid that I went with a male friend. I didn’t want her thinking I was gay and I wanted her thinking I went with a female, wanted to encourage a little jealously. But this stance causes me to hide information that’s true to who I am. And I struggle to feel like I belong.
  • I got good at this in poker.
    Poker Player

@February 8, 2022 8:31 AM (CDT)

  • Gorgeous woman invoke thoughts of anxiety and worry which are a consequence of how I feel towards them. I feel more around them. More emotion. An occurrence that wants me to engage.

@February 8, 2022 8:27 AM (CDT)

  • The woman at yoga related with me going to the MT. She was happy for me. And I missed an opportunity to share the last run at Bridger, that magical experience. I could have shared that part of me. Instead, I said generic things. The snow was icy. I liked Bridger more because Big Sky was packed even though the mountain is miles wide. All these things that other people thought were interesting. I fit in. Belonging happens when you start sharing your stories, how you experienced the world.
  • This was a shitty first draft of my ski trip. Try again. By expressing your trip to many people, you move towards the really interesting stories.
  • Find stories in conversations. Once you find them in conversations, they are easy to write.

@February 8, 2022 8:24 AM (CDT)

  • Growth isn’t in what you achieve it’s who you become. It’s movement towards the personal. I had just returned from snowboarding when I told my friend, “I went skiing.” She said, “if you went snowboarding why say skiing.” I told myself people understand skiing, not snowboarding. But this is a lie. It’s ready-made language, rather than uniquely personal language.
  • I bend myself for others, and I tell myself

@February 7, 2022

Kevin the uber driver selling crypto, Mama Macs

@February 7, 2022 8:00 PM (MST)

  • Walked off the plane in Austin to the saddest sight

@February 7, 2022 7:17 PM (CDT)

  • lights stay on in first class cabin. They turn off back in the slums. The crew want to silence us. HELL NO WE WONT GO HELL NO WE WONT GO

@February 7, 2022 10:07 AM (MDT)

  • closing a door, peaking through the tiny sliver until the last moment

@February 7, 2022 10:04 AM (MDT)

  • too old to snowboard, rough on the joints

@February 7, 2022 5:27 PM (CDT)

  • That moment when wheels linger before touching down

@February 7, 2022 5:04 PM (CDT)

  • Joy is looking out an airplane window.

@February 7, 2022 4:26 PM (CDT)

  • Thought patterns of worry and shame and jealousy and many more are a consequence of how we feel.
  • In MT, Kyle and I were in a ski bar. I noticed lots of anxiety and shameful thoughts and patterns of not knowing what I wanted to do and such. I felt unfettered when I paused to witness the chaotic bar atmosphere that invoked those. From that space I could feel.

@February 7, 2022 3:56 PM (CDT)

  • So you say “I want a family.” Yet as a single man, how many woman have you given a chance? The truth you express to the world is that you like being alone. Each time you don’t give a woman a chance, you express that truth.

@February 7, 2022 3:37 PM (CDT)

  • Sparkling water and still water are great descriptions. Still water is emotionless and clam. Sparkling water is flamboyant and surprising and loud. #tweet

@February 7, 2022 1:59 PM (CDT)

  • Kevin, the uber driver, wants to sell you IMC token. “If you bought $100 of BTC in 2010, you’d have 72 million dollars.” Do you fear missing out on the same opportunity with IMC? I don’t. #tweet
  • image

@February 7, 2022 9:46 AM (MDT)

  • When you’re in Bozeman, eat at mama macs. It’s a truck stop diner with homemade vibes. No matter what you order, order it with bacon. Bacon in Montana is different. It’s like bison meat or beef jerky. Thick, chewy yet crunchy. Fingers end smothered in grease
  • There’s a front door and a side door the regulars use the side door. We entered the front door, walked out the side door.
  • A half ton of food for $10.
  • The employees were all older, looked like a team of AA members. Lots of grey hair. Out of proportioned bodies. Friendly as ever.
  • I started a new collection — koozie coffee sleeves, costume made ones. They work as beer sleeves with friends. And are nice talking points and reminiscing.
  • I order a coffee, it’s given in a white paper cup - never good when you can see the bottom of the cup #tweet

@February 7, 2022 9:06 AM (MDT)

  • I thought to ask KB what did he uber cost but part of me, a “dark” part, doesn’t want him thinking about adding that onto our overall spilt costs. Instead you ought to have the conversation about it. Express how you don’t think you ought to pay that part. But when I lead that way I know I should. So the dark part is actually in the fact that I know I should and I want to leave it up to him. If I can get away with not paying GREAT. By stiffing my friend and saved money. Good for me. I win. That’s in me.

@February 7, 2022 9:01 AM (MDT)

  • what an amazing invention the zipper is

@February 7, 2022 8:33 AM (MDT)

  • KB while packing tipped over my coffee. I let anger run through me. Dude what the fuxk. I swear if this is chipped, so help you god. It was joking but felt fun and a new way of acting. Rather than the whatever, nothing meaningful happened.

@February 7, 2022 8:28 AM (MDT)

  • small talk is bids for connection.
  • when around others, our desire for connection is so strong that we make small talk. Making small talk is that desire taking over, like the Nazzles the Greek God of connection. But you have other gods inside you. How does it feel to recognize Nazzles and sit in the silence?
  • You’re more dynamic than you realize.

@February 7, 2022 8:27 AM (MDT)

  • Parts of me are dying to come out, Parts beyond seeking connection.

@February 6, 2022

difference between BigSky and Bridger, HotTub+stargazing, long runs means you need stamina

@February 6, 2022 10:42 PM (MDT)

  • Joy is in a hot tub, a starry night, and a yurt in foreground.

@February 6, 2022 5:27 PM (MDT)

  • Stanima, i can’t spell nor pronounce

@February 6, 2022 5:25 PM (MDT)

  • when we look at nature, we can’t predict how it’ll be structured. Pine trees growing out of the side of cliff faces.

@February 6, 2022 5:15 PM (MDT)

  • Today I’m sore as hell. But good god I’m happy I used my body. Over the last two years with the pandemic, many muscles have been dormit. I live a stationary lifestyle. This ski trip opened my eyes to beating up my body. I want to use it.

@February 6, 2022 5:10 PM (MDT)

  • This morning goats crossing the highway. Just after we saw them, I saw a warning sign, goat crossing.

@February 6, 2022 3:59 PM (MDT)

  • swaggy black guys. Jumpsuits. Long dreads.

@February 6, 2022 3:56 PM (MDT)

  • Second day snowboarding with a different board. I got beat up today. Fell 10x yesterday. I spent the entire day wondering what the hell was the difference. I still don’t know. I still @February 11, 2022 wish I did.

@February 6, 2022 2:02 PM (MDT)

  • sitting at the resort. The peak Mt looking over us. The great entry downhill coming in. People hanging drinking beers. Thousands of colorful skis. Vacation is good to me.

@February 6, 2022 10:21 AM (MDT)

  • Feeling quiet and unable to interacting with the world comes from emotions. By checking in with emotions you can better see what’s going on with you in the present moment.

@February 6, 2022 10:19 AM (MDT)

  • In a rare occurrence the big corporation big sky has been grossly less efficient than the small government ran Bridger bowl. What an upset.

@February 6, 2022 8:25 AM (MDT)

  • speed limit changes day to night in Montana. A sign reads 70 mph, 65 mph night.
  • The body of law is so refined that it changes with the environment.

@February 6, 2022 8:22 AM (MDT)

  • noticing a lot of anxiety in the bar, especially when we sat next to those young ladies.

@February 5, 2022

Bridger Bowl last run choosing own path, moments of joy/capturing moments you don’t want to forget (many on chairlift)

@February 5, 2022 8:27 PM (MDT)

  • long conversation with KB. Only noises are the weight of our wine glasses hitting the table. The stove fan. The wind slapping the tent.

@February 5, 2022 7:07 PM (MDT)

  • Two experiences in skiing. Highlights, bombing hills and such. The story, people you meet, reflections, emotions.

@February 5, 2022 5:07 PM (MDT)

  • The most common emotion on the ski hill is schadenfreude. And joy. Lots of joy.

@February 5, 2022 3:19 PM (MDT)

  • a silent, 10 minute chairlift with a friend

@February 5, 2022 3:19 PM (MDT)

  • each snowflake makes his journey from water to cloud to snow to my face after I faceplant

@February 5, 2022 2:10 PM (MDT)

  • my fingers freezing to write on the chairlift. Creative writing happens when you put yourself… [stopped mid thought, was too cold]

@February 5, 2022 2:09 PM (MDT)

  • I’m clumsy getting on the chairlift. Sitting on others lap, banging helmets with the bar, pulling down the seatbelt unintentionally.

@February 5, 2022 2:08 PM (MDT)

  • Even if you’re with a group of people you’re close with, ride the solo chairlift line. You will get more ski runs in. And you meet many strangers.

@February 5, 2022 11:00 AM (MDT)

  • On the chair lift, I met a guy from ATL, a creative film maker. He’s filming a NASCAR documentary similar to F1 Racing. His twist, making the pit crew the stars. “A Pit Crew Athlete.”

@February 5, 2022 10:57 AM (MDT)

  • Moments of joy are those moments when you take a mental picture. I don’t want to forget this.
  • It’s suddenly the world in front of you becomes a gesult. Labels don’t exists. Instead of seeing the world as objects to interact with, it becomes a world you’re a part of.

@February 5, 2022 8:08 AM (MDT)

  • monanta hill side lacking snow from the wind drifts that carried it away

@February 4, 2022

Scramble for Snowpants (Texas not believing in them), Panic book Delta to arrive MT at midnight

@February 4, 2022 10:13 PM (MDT)

  • I don’t write at night. My functions shut down. In part that’s why I sleep so damn well. 12 hours a day I’m sluggish, 12 I’m wide awake. It took me awhile to learn and accept that about myself. So I don’t write at night.
  • But I’ve also never tried.

@February 4, 2022 6:31 PM (CDT)

  • Today the Winter Olympics opened. In the team USA spirit, you dress in Red, White, and Blue. You cheer the athletes during the opening ceremony. Throughout the event, you follow the athletes and their backstories. Meanwhile I too watch the Olympics. I watch a 5 minute a highlight reel on youtube and get a dopamine high off the greatness. We both experienced the Olympics. I watched for a jolt of emotion. You watched for a transformation (change in perspective).
  • I want to follow a band. I want to know their backstory. I want to know their journey. When I attend their shows, I want to dress the part and get lost in the music and the lyrics.
  • Band options: moleskin, Halsey, Haux

@February 4, 2022 6:27 PM (CDT)

  • I don’t want to be friends with Jim Cramer, nor any celebrity who’s been doing the same exact thing for 30 years. Dude, you don’t need the money. Go learn something else. Let me meet a blue collar working who has worked 10 different jobs in the last 30 years.

@February 4, 2022 6:20 PM (CDT)

  • Voice is in darkness. It’s in declarative statements about your life and moment to moment. In the delta lounge the TV plays MSNBC, news. My intail thought to write, when’s the last night you watched the news. You can see often I start thoughts with a question. Or I start with, Often it’s better to || If you allow yourself to... || some observation about a behavior. But a voice makes declarations. Like so... I’m in the delta skyroom. In every room CNBC news plays. Topics are Hate Crimes, “Whites” shooting “Blacks”, US competing with China, China and Russia shaking hands against the US. Watching the news will make you unhappy. What I felt can be captured in that one simple statement. No context needed. No explaination needed. No wavering. Just stated.

@February 4, 2022 5:30 PM (CDT)

  • Mad Money, Jim Cramer — how someone becomes a flat character, have the same show for 30 years that you’re know for a certain personality trait. Soon that one part of you leaks into the rest of your life.
  • I did this with poker.
  • What parts of yourself define you? What parts of yourself do you let define you?

@February 4, 2022 5:19 PM (CDT)

Recap of Travel Day — Austin TX ⇒ Bozeman MT

  • @January 25, 2022 5:00 PM (CDT) Amazon snowpants I ordered were XXL, 36’’ waist. I’m 31’’ and can pull them over entire body.
  • @February 1, 2022 12:00 PM (CDT) Second pair of snowpants says, “Delivered, handed to resident.” Snowpants no where to be found. Doorstep, no. Lockers, no. My hand, no.
  • @February 2, 2022 3:00 PM (CDT) I ordered third pair of snowpants, as amazon said wait another day for the second pair. I don’t have time to wait. Flight in 48 hours. Thrid pair to arrive tomorrow.
  • @February 3, 2022 2:00 PM (CDT) It’s sleeting outside. Flight delayed, no longer leaving in the morning, now 3:40, land 11pm. Day 1 fucked. No getting settled in with my brother KB. No getting a nice dinner and a few drinks before a day of ski.
  • @February 3, 2022 3:00 PM (CDT) It’s sleeting outside. UPS and Fedex trucks not delievering. My pants delayed until Saturday.
  • @February 4, 2022 Flight day, 3:40pm takeoff. United Airlines.
  • @February 4, 2022 12:20 PM (CDT) I drive to REI to buy snowpants. The cheapest they have are $160. The employee recommend using rain pants over yoga pants. I think I have rain pants in my golf bag. I drive home to find out no. Back into the car I go.
  • @February 4, 2022 1:30 PM (CDT) Walmart doesn’t sell snowpants. Acedemy and OUTDOOR sports doesn’t sell snowpants. Do Texans believe in snowpants? Maybe cowboys just wear jeans.
  • @February 4, 2022 2:40 PM (CDT) Arrive at airport, an hour later than I had wished, but 1 hour early is normally good and fine. Airport lines are a half mile long. So many flights canceled the day before. Under staffed today. I say fuck it, not checking bag here, just need to get to flight desk. I look for precheck line. I have to walk 10 minutes. But omg it’s tiny. If I wasn’t TSA precheck I would have missed my flight. I get to the gate....
  • @February 4, 2022 3:20 PM (CDT). Flight delayed! Now takeoff 4:40, connecting flight will be tight, 20 mins.
  • @February 4, 2022 4:15 PM (CDT) Flight delayed ☹️ Won’t make connecting. Won’t make MT tonight. Sweet counter lady, super helpful, says go book another flight, she jots my last name down, says she’ll refund me after the people in line.
  • @February 4, 2022 4:30 PM (CDT) KB finds a midnight Delta flight. I book. The last seat! Still alive. New Flight time, 7:30pm.
  • @February 7, 2022 3:17 PM (CDT) I realize I paid $300 extra to arrive 10 hours sooner. A month ago, when I researching this trip with KB, if my flight was this $300 extra, the trip would have never happened. In that heated moment, there was no question to pay this money. With time, the value of money changed. Those 10 hours enabled 50% of the ski time. Without those 10 hours, the other $1700 spent on the trip would’ve greatly diminished in value.

@February 4, 2022 1:25 PM (CDT)

  • “Trump hates God” I thought that’s probably true, imagining the world as god and progress as god and a world where we help each other as god, a world where we’re less paranoid and resentful. Then my rational mind kicked in. Well he doesn’t hate god. It’s not like he’s intentionally trying fuxk up the world. But look at the parts of himself that manifest. That cause division. And even if that isn’t his intention, it’s the truth. It’s his impact. His actions are hateful. Trump hates god.
  • Jordan Peterson, paraphrased, No matter what we say we believe, our actions are the truth, our actions are declarations of what we truly believe.
  • What are you telling me with your actions? What am I telling you with my actions?
  • The psychoanalytic talk of humans as a hierarchy of sub-personalities, each of which at any given time takes full control, (and expresses through action its truth, what it believes in the world). Right now, I’m writing, my personality who wants to understand myself is exploring in action, by writing. Another personality is thirsty, wants to refresh my mouth. At any time, I (the one at the center of all) give up control to the other.

@February 4, 2022 12:39 PM (CDT)

  • Sunny day after an ice storm. From the roof of skyscrapers hurl sheets of ice onto the road below.

@February 4, 2022 9:23 AM (CDT)

  • Back in 2018(?), I spent a summer in London, writing from coffeeshops. I like writing from coffeeshops, but I often feel disconnected from others around me. It’s a lonely feeling. One time, I entered a coffeeshop with a tiny entrance hall where you order your coffee, and then carefully (as it rattles cup on plate) it down a hallway to a big conference room with tables and multiple levels. With headphones in, I worked in the hall. Thirty minutes into my session, a man starts yelling at the barista, a young lady, small, this was likely her first job. I pop my headphones off. His voice was grizzled and mad. For 20 seconds I listen. I want to put my headphones back on. I’m in the middle of a poetic sentence about friendship. The man’s bark is consistent. I stand, walk down the hallway. My heart beats. He’s a middle-aged black man, yelling about the coffeeshop not serving him. The young lady is petrified behind the desk. “Everything okay,” I ask the man. He glances my way, sidesteps towards the door — keeps barking at her. I put myself between them. And after a few more barks, he backs out. I check to make sure she’s okay, then put my headphones back on. Although we feel lonely in environments of disconnection, we are intimately more connected than we can articulate. After I heard this man barking, I had a decision, go check in with the man or put my headphones on. Either way, part of me dies. I chose connection. #StoryTold
  • I often worked from cofeeshops. I was deep into my work when a man walked into the front room and began screaming. Out there was a lonely, young female barista and this man sounded grizzly. I had a decision, eavesdrop or check to make sure she’s okay.

@February 3, 2022

Texas Winter, Erica “Ok”, Listen for Worldview

  • Texas shuts down during winter warnings. Beforehand people already panicking. It was raining and 50 degrees and I saw three accidents. Overnight the freeze came. Deliveries delayed, (my snowpants not arriving). Streets still. Classes canceled, (my telsa appointment that I waited for a month for).

@February 3, 2022 9:29 PM (CDT)

  • sometimes Ok is the best response. It’s accepting and says okay I see you denying me AGAIN. I had thought of making a joke by sending a meme of two people horribly dancing or expressing my angry by pointing out the roads aren’t even bad, this is a fall day in Minnesota. I thought about not responding and I thought about doing a dislike thumbs down. Each of these are giving too much emotion into a situation that doesn’t deserve it. Ok OR even better K, is simply accepting and I’m going on with me life.
  • Listen with a desire to learn more about the other person’s perspective (worldview!). Tell me more. Help me understand why this is so important to you. You can do this at anytime, in any moment with anyone. I want to understand your perspective on this issue or relationship or towards this weather. How do you as a human approach that situation? It reminds of Obama saying, crawl into another’s skin. #tweet

@February 3, 2022 7:56 PM (CDT)

  • Codependent the coffee shop is disconnected, but much better is I feel “the lonely feeling” inside. Feeling alone in public is WAY MORE difficult than feeling alone at home. #tweet

@February 3, 2022 7:47 PM (CDT)

  • dichotomy of being alone but still belonging. Once after a steaming hot bath, I got out and laid on the bathroom floor. I refused to open my eyes into a world that I didn’t want to believe existed. I liked flowers and candles and love stories, and a woman was trying to make me see it’s not all like that. But no! We love each other. LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS. I remember chanting, “I want to die because if I open my eyes I die, I live in a world I don’t want to live in.” With my eyes closed I meditated on the ugliness in the world, Nazis, child pedophiles [her father?], murders, this woman refusing love. By opening my eyes I accepted the fact that a woman can love me and choose not to be with me in this ugly way. I opened them. And I felt alone without the woman, yet as I was accepting this, I began to feel like I belonged.
  • True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.

@February 3, 2022 6:47 PM (CDT)

  • what brings happiness? I listened to a meditation called joy mountain. I smiled knowing my friend Lorri sent it to me. When they talked about joy, that’s what keep coming to mind. A friend sharing something with me and me allowing it to effect me. I can’t get that with email.

@February 3, 2022 6:06 PM (CDT)

  • today has been strangely emotional. I haven’t lashed out or cried but I feel it.
  • Something to do with feeling alone, doing work and tasks that don’t feel meaningful, and tomorrow a skii trip with KB. Perhaps I feel lonely because Im again meeting friends without a lover in my life.
  • it’s a reflective day. I’m beginning to see my last decade of my life clearly. My poker career isn’t something I’m running from. Catalina im owning. Anel im owning. My relationships and actions in the present moment are becoming clear, my desires.
  • But I haven’t paused to feel all of this,
  • Partly out of fear to feel
  • Also something to do with how many things went wrong in the last few days - I didn’t dance with Lorri, I didn’t get to pay my car off, my snow pants never arrived, no yoga, no workout, no jujitsu, no published writing - no dance with Erica. These are meaningful things. Not these other tasks…
  • @May 3, 2022 10:10 PM (CDT) I likely would process and feel these emotions different today. Observing the internal problem. Checking for emotions. Wondering what action they want me to take in the world.

@February 3, 2022 10:17 AM (CDT)

  • Recognize darknesses in others. Accept them. That’s part of their story.

@February 3, 2022 9:22 AM (CDT)

  • When I’ve been wronged, I default to shame, I could’ve been better and second wave is faith, but it’s all part of a plan. What’s underneath that is fuxk this bitch, what the fuxk is her problem - I don’t have time to deal with flakey bitches and it’s on me if I stick around for that.

@February 3, 2022 8:26 AM (CDT)

  • Explanations are like ready-made phrases. They aren’t uniquely you because they rationalize feelings and emotions, rather than pushing into the extremes.

@February 2, 2022

Reid Job Interview Cheatsheets, Lorri “Sneaking Around”, Bethel Miracles

@February 2, 2022 3:01 PM (CDT)

  • I try to people please. To do so I predict and map out the perfect solution. This gets me stuck in inaction. Instead when I ask, what would the darkest part of me say, my true desires clarify.
    The Shadow Self
    • Often what I consider dark isn’t.
    • After expressing something “dark”, there’s still time to some other parts of yourself afterwards. Example, I told a friend who’s Catholic, “I went to a church with a lot of live music. But these yoo-hoos started doing healings and live miracles and I checked out.”
      • My people pleasing side would’ve tried to figure out the perfect way to express that to my friend without being “mean” by judging these people. I sort of get it, it’s just too much for me. But this explanation is where the emotion and my own story breaks down.
      • Then in a second, follow-up text, I wrote, “Still was a nice space to reflect.” NOW I’ve captured two real parts of me.

@February 2, 2022 2:34 PM (CDT)

  • To give good, honest feedback, you have to express hard truths — what would the most judgmental, immoral, emotional side of you say? #tweet
  • image

@February 2, 2022 2:27 PM (CDT)

  • You best have a docket of things to play by ear. This are things you value but aren’t current priorities. They fill gaps nicely.

@February 2, 2022 2:07 PM (CDT)

  • I went to a church with lots of music and lots of “miracles.” People were called up who were struggling with something. A pack of people would put their hands on and suddenly they were healed. Think there is some truth in that experience. But one woman had metal in her ankle and struggled to put weight on it. Suddenly she could walk perfectly and she said the metal is completely gone from her foot. And X-rays will prove it in a couple days. This was too much for me. But I get it. “And Jesus said to the man, “Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭17:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬ After a few more visit, I’m confident I’ll be joining the madness and proclaiming I can finally pronounce aluminum. #tweet
  • #StoryTold

@February 2, 2022 2:01 PM (CDT)

  • Villian’s are the darkness within you. What does that darkness say about a topic. Here is an example of my friend Tobi wanting to tell a story about overfishing. He says,
  • “Well, imagine a gigantic fishing net that is shaped like a tube. And you attach the bottom part of the net to the sea floor. Then you fill it with fish, feed them, and when they are fat and juicy you catch them.” Gavin answered. “That sounds quite clever,” Luke said, said stepping into the cabin to escape the howling winds, “why don’t you do it?” “It might sound clever to you, but it really isn’t! You see, these the health of the sea depends on respecting the seasonal changes. Different fish migrate over here at different times of the year. These fish give and take to the local ecosystem in a way that ensures the vitality of all life in the sea. But when you have a fish farm, you only have one type of fish. That fish might not even be local to the area. And even if they are, there are way too many of them in one spot. Those fish are not free to roam and all their excrements ruin the local waters, never mind all the diseases that fester in those farms,” Gavin explained.

    The Villian is the man inside you who is slightly immoral but has reasons for it.

@February 2, 2022 12:05 PM (CDT)

  • Tommy is a master at comments and replies. His words impact creators. Imagine when he becomes a bigger name and has ethos behind the words. Wow.

@February 2, 2022 11:23 AM (CDT)

  • I will remain indoors for two days to ensure I don’t get hurt before my skiing trip. I’m old.

@February 2, 2022 10:34 AM (CDT)

  • My message to Lorri, “Can we play this by ear? When do your kids get home?” “Oh my, it sounds like we’re sneaking around for sex.” A message previously hidden from me. Now as I explore my motivations and darknesses, I see it. I show it. This message turned me on. My sexual desires hide in that darkness.

@February 2, 2022 9:34 AM (CDT)

  • The most savory bite of breakfast isn’t even a bite. It after your food is finished but your fork is caked with egg yolk, avocado and bacon crumbs. Placing your fork on your tongue and clamping your lips down on the metal and allowing the yolk, cado, bacon smear into your mouth.

@February 2, 2022 8:54 AM (CDT)

  • homeless man shuffling feet, his jeans at his feet. Update: 8:45pm, I saw him in the rain. His pants still around his ankles.

@February 2, 2022 8:52 AM (CDT)

  • let’s be honest about our motivations. The man outside of target I want to say hi not to be friendly and talk to strangers but rather because I want to write about him. He interests me.

@February 2, 2022 8:22 AM (CDT)

  • with Reid after yoga, “Use cheatsheets for the programing test at your job interviews.”
    1. Two paths to a conversation. Path one, please, agree and try to help by giving advice. This is how I naturally connect, fitting in. Path two, find the darkness within you on and share it, your unique experience. This is belonging. My friend Reid and I were talking about job interviews. All these thoughts of “head down, keep studying came to mind”. I pushed deeper. I thought of my past as a poker player and creating cheatsheets. I settled emotionally. And I gave him the slightly unmoral idea of doing that for the job interview. Or at least said, that’s likely what I would do. It’s like storing formulas in your TI-89 calculator.

@February 1, 2022

The right gym clothes make all the difference. I found the style I like, shorts, compression underwear that stands out from the shorts and a hoodie that’s form fitting. I want to be seen in this. Gym enabled.

@February 1, 2022 7:55 PM (CDT)

  • Atomic Stories and Essays are a way to manifest something creative in one sitting. I have a dream of writing a a children’s book called, Why do we wave, about a boy who learns to wave to strangers. Having the skill to write atomic essays is the skill to write that book in one sitting.

@February 1, 2022 5:51 PM (CDT)

  • Larry David is so funny because he lets his darkness shine. He’s not afraid to say something conversational, he owns it. Not afraid to judge, lets that speak out. Not afraid to tell someone he doesn’t believe them, stares at someone way to long in order to find a weakness in their argument. I explain my darknesses rationally, “I judged them, I’m critical of them and that’s bad.”
    1. His comedy truly shines when the audience understands his darkness, like wanting a friend to die in order to get his kidney, then he puts himself in a situation where he acts like an angel, such as after he purposefully hit the doctor’s car in order to get a kidney.
    2. In the same vain.
      1. image
      2. Taking an emotion and pretending like you understand it.
      3. Taking a darkness and pretending like you understand it.

@February 1, 2022 4:32 PM (CDT)

  • sometimes talking about emotions is like a workout, you get hot from the anxiety and need to take off the sweatshirt to expose the rank top

@February 1, 2022 4:09 PM (CDT)

  • Storytelling shares the emotions you processed.

@February 1, 2022 12:59 PM (CDT)

  • When I’m writing, often the description of something better captures the artist’s message than if I said reality. Example, I’m describing what I wore to the beach in Mexico. I want to describe the Mexican uniqueness. Reality, I wore beach loafers. But saying I wore Huaraches best captures the mood. And this made me think, this is how you would live your life if you embodied your emotions and moods. I would imagine this feeling that I’m sharing and decide to order a pair of huaraches.

@February 1, 2022 12:25 PM (CDT)

  • Pokerhuds are stat displaying machines that tell you how often your opponent bet. I once made a bayesian version on this.
    Poker Player

@February 1, 2022 11:22 AM (CDT)

  • People Pleasing vs Finding the Darkness within. The darkness is always some motive to get what you want. Something that conflicts against the others plans.
  • image

@February 1, 2022 10:25 AM (CDT)

  • artists embody their message and perspective. Your clothes, what you do, who you hang out with all inform the message of your art #tweet