December 2021

Eggs, Potatoes, and Sausage on the kitchen counter. I close my eyes to pray, and think of Cata. We both struggled. Eyes open, I start recording an audio message. I recite the morning prayer. After I send it, judgements storm in. I’m so stupid, why did I send that. I’m trying to control her, I tell myself. Shame floods in. I wanted to delete it. Instead, I pushed into it. “I feel shameful for sending that. I just wanted to share with you, I pray.”

the game is to get to the center

the center is YOU

Reminds me of the bicameral mind and Westworld.

Has anyone else tried to understand the Matrix movies? From a programmer point of view, they are fascinating. First the world we arrived: humans and robots went to war. Humans decided in order to destroy the robots, they would black out the sun.... jesus, what a crazy species. Robots evolved to use humans as their energy source. And the way they keep humans working is by injecting them into the Matrix, a computer program created by "the architect", who is a robot that's a programmer.

How computer programs aren't built is through Objects, a coding term. If you want a police officer, there would be a police officer object. Then the main command line would use that object every time that wanted to create a new police officer. Well when older verisions of the program are deleted, many of these objects will be destoryed as well. But many of the objects developed a will to live, so they figured out a way to get into the next verision of the program. Like wtf is happening. Then we have agents, who are like anti-virus software, going around to root out anything that isn't serving the Matrix, like red-pilled humans.

But after the first movie the agents code became affected by Neo and he became a worm, taking over anything and everyone.

Meanwhile, many humans have been red-pilled out of the matrix and are living underground, in Zion.

Then something about choice and how that creates a person like Neo. The humans are only content and working if they have choice. But everytime the architect gives choice, "The One" develops, a character who breaks the rules of the software. (Reminds me of flee trainers. Flees ina. jar, jump and jump and jump and are repewatedly stopped by the lid of the jar. If you remove the lid, they jump again, but now only as high as the lid that once was there.) The One is the person who decides, by choice, he can jump outside of the jar, like running the 4 min mile.

It's causing and a lot of ideas going, but a super interesting world when you let yourself suspense belief.

I receive a XMAS cards. Who wrote me a nice message? Hallmark. That's pre-packaged language. Ready-made.

How many times can you microwave coffee before it develops cancer?

To reheat my coffee, I popped the microwave door open and discovered a rice packet waiting to be heated. This morning I ate only eggs and never realized I was missing my rice. EVERY morning I eat rice. Still recovering from covid, I shouldn't be writing

In ficition writing, you don't always want to be more specific. There's times to tell. Think of the auhtor who every dialogue tag uses a word like babbles or expressed and exclames, instead of a simple said. If the way a character says something ISNT meaningful, then just say said.

I near a published article. I will rewrite it one last time, copy write it. This will be an experiment. By rewriting each phrase, I small down and rethink.

"artists use lies to tell the truth, while politicians use them to cover the truth up." V for Vendette

Last night, sleeping with a sweaty body, soaking up 6 month unwashed sheets.

with the onslaught of covid, my biceps are still sore, going on day 6

You ever try to write when you're sick. or do anything. it's not easy

@December 15, 2021 I struggled Today. I found this mediation helpful. Also looking up. Looking up always helps.

A friend asked a group chat for someone's HBO Max log-in info. I purchased an account and sent it to him. He broke down. Said he has needed a win. Said his aggressive German Shepard had a few incidents lately. Said he can't stop thinking about his ex-girlfriend. And more sadness. I didn't know any of this.

That night he messaged, "I'm enjoying my show tonight, thanks to you."

Story: Vancouver ⇒ Victoria biking story #StoriesTold

a world where everyone was require to learn the global 50 langauges. then conversations were spoken using MNANY different phrasing. IT's a way of uniting the people

by studying languages, our expression thickens. we start to have more words for each sitaution

Found the best looking carrots in the world. Why do we trim the parts of us that we don’t consider practical. The parts of us with the least amount of practical value are what make us most unique

Carrots with hair are attractive.

A story about time always having your back.

I applied to be a big brother with Big Brothers, Big Sisters. I checked the box, declaring I speak Spanish. I miss stumbling through Spanish.

My ideal little brother: Spanish speaker, Loves Zines (mini magazines), and dances Cumbia.

Selfishly, I just want to help someone. It feels selfish after a decade of my life was spent gaining money from people who had gambling problems. They bet against me. And they lost. They lost money which was for a better education and for epsom salts which their wife would adore and for a lunchbox with an extra sandwich.

Intention v Impact. The ultimate goal is to have the biggest impact on the most amount of people.

First it’s a possible impact on yourself. Then your community. Then City. Then mankind.

Make the world change.

I once met a lawyer in London. He told me every day he wears a powdered wig to work. How silly

Grown men

story within a story within a story.

Xmas movie, boy called christmas: reminds me of Princess Bride with an elderly storyteller, telling a story to children.

Dance to forget about life’s problems

How can our clothes change our personality so much? How can dress bring different parts of ourself out? How can I dress the parts of different puesdyns. How do I want to dress on camera on YouTube?

Wore a suit to dance last night. Felt like a difffernt person. Almost like a sex symbol

A character who is so out of touch with his emotions that he writes series and dark things. Emotions emerge. And to run, he sings Barery I love you, you love me

What is the emotional content of words. Why do words carry emotions.

A friend of mine is in the hospital. From her phone, her sister is updating me. It’s beyond confusing. Lots of messages, “she took a helicopter from Arkansas to huoston. She’ll feeling like a badass :) :)” like wtf. You can’t say that.

How confident do you have to be in yourself to commit suicide?

Request research time for DFW notes. How cool is it to have hand written notes by some of the greatest writers in the world, just a few blocks away. How sad is it that those few blocks are too mysterious for me to embark

For a dance social, I wore a suit. Dark blue suit, black tshirt, black Converses. I was told I look dapper. I confirmed that in the mirror.

I danced until 2am. I don't dance after 11pm. I hardly move after 11pm because I'm dead under a 20 lb blanket. The uniform brought out the right amount of macho, style, and play.

I ordered a brown suit. I'll wear it tonight. With cream Converses. Dapper.